Local Marketing Summit banner  below header new
Thanks Thanks:  0
Likes Likes:  0
Results 1 to 6 of 6
  1. #1
    Member Since
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Rochester NY
    Posts
    804
    Thanks (Received)
    0
    Likes (Received)
    0

    Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    I have been having fun with this site for years. For the humor- impaired, this is supposed to be funny.

    Here is an example of a letter generated using me!

    For those who know me, they know it is a rare occurrence for me to be
    rendered speechless. But when I heard that Dustybones wants to
    precipitate riots, I must say that speechless I was. For practical
    reasons, I have to confine my discussion to areas that have received
    insufficient public attention or in which I have something new to say.
    In a vain effort to exculpate himself, he has been proclaiming to the
    world that he has done no wrong. Rather, it was his goombahs who have
    been retarding the free and natural economic development of various
    countries' indigenous population. I suppose the next thing he'll have
    us believe is that we should cast our lots with truculent cacafuegos.
    By writing this letter, I am doubtlessly sticking my head far above the
    parapet. The big danger is that Dustybones will retaliate against me.
    He'll most likely try to force me to suffer the pain of his wrath
    although another possibility is that I once had a nightmare in which he
    was free to suppress those who would seek to learn the truth about his
    raffish, wretched platitudes. When I awoke, I realized that this
    nightmare was frighteningly close to reality. For instance, it is the
    case both in my nightmare and in reality that implying that the media
    should “create” news rather than report it is no different from implying
    that Dustybones knows the “right” way to read Plato, Maimonides, and
    Machiavelli. Both statements are ludicrous.

    How can we trust a predatory nebbish who actively conceals his true
    intentions? We can't. And besides, Dustybones's use of the term
    “intercommunicability” displays, at best, a tone deafness. The term
    drips with echoes of parasitism and warns us all that Dustybones ignores
    the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with
    it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. I must part company
    with many of my peers when it comes to understanding why his appeal to
    pessimism is dangerous stuff. My peers profess that part of the myth
    that he perpetuates is that he is a refined gentleman with the soundest
    education and morals you can imagine. While this is honestly true, I
    think we must add that he expects us to behave like passive sheep. The
    only choice Dustybones believes we should be allowed to make for
    ourselves is whether to head towards his slaughterhouse at a trot or at a
    gallop. He unmistakably doesn't want us choosing to challenge the soft
    bigotry of low expectations. Ceterum censeo, Mr. Dustybones's up to his
    neck in criminal activity.

    Scott Pakin's automatic complaint-letter generator


  2. Local Marketing Summit banner in thread
  3. #2
    Member Since
    Jun 2012
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    15,617
    Thanks (Received)
    151
    Likes (Received)
    160

    re: Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    OMG that Dustybones sounds like one bad dude!

    Think we need to move the complaint about that guy to the "Hall of Shame!"

    Too funny! Thanks for sharing Justin!
    Linda Buquet .:. Forum Founder, Google Local Specialist

    If you benefit from advice here... Please pay the community back by sharing on social OR helping someone else at the forum. Thank you!

    Don't Miss Important News & Tips! Subscribe to Daily Email Digest Here

    Note: Due to mulitple RSI injuries, pardon short replies. Typos? Blame it on "Dragon".

  4. #3
    Member Since
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Rochester NY
    Posts
    804
    Thanks (Received)
    0
    Likes (Received)
    0

    re: Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    I agree. Very shameful! I can't imagine why he has not been run out of town...

  5. #4
    Member Since
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    952
    Thanks (Received)
    25
    Likes (Received)
    28

    re: Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    LOL. You two are cracking me up.
    Scott Rawlins - Find Local Company in Atlanta GA
    Follow Me on G+

  6. #5
    Member Since
    Jun 2012
    Location
    SoCal
    Posts
    15,617
    Thanks (Received)
    151
    Likes (Received)
    160

    Exclamation Re: Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    OMG Justin. I have you beat! I'm badder than you are! I'm a life ruiner!

    "In this letter, I will try to describe Ms. Linda K Buquet's ebullitions in such a way that my language will not offend and yet will still convey my message that most of the things Linda has written would be complimented by being called merely “mind-numbing bureaucratese”. Before I launch into my rant, permit me the prelude caveat that Linda ought to unstop her ears and uncover her eyes. Only then will she hear that to which she has been too long heedless. Only then will Linda see that far too many people tolerate her op-ed pieces as long as they're presented in small, seemingly harmless doses. What these people fail to realize, however, is that Linda wants to ruin people's lives. Faugh.

    Linda, who is astonishingly adroit at twisting words, has been able to convince scores of people that she is a perpetual victim of injustice. The destruction of the Tower of Babel, be it a literal truth, an allegory, or a mere story based upon cultural archetypes, illustrates this truth plainly. While I know very little about indecent lewd-types, I do know that she refers to a variety of things using the word “characteristicalness”. Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, Linda is saying that the peak of fashion is to seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, I am hurt, furious, and embarrassed. Why am I hurt? Because it will not be easy to face our problems realistically, get to the root of our problems, and be determined to solve them. Nevertheless, we must attempt to do exactly that for the overriding reason that I defy the pestiferous sociopaths who relabel millions of people as “puerile”, and I defy the powers of darkness that they represent. Why am I furious? Because this is just simple math. That is, if A is more snooty than B, and B is more snooty than C, then A is more snooty than C, right? In case you don't have the secret decoder ring, A is a disgraceful, spleenful flimflammer; B is a scary warmonger; and C is Linda K Buquet. And why am I embarrassed? Because she truly believes that she is a tireless protector of civil rights and civil liberties for all people. I hope you realize that that's just a prolix pipe dream from an apolaustic pipe and that in the real world, if we don't ring the bells of truth right now, then Linda's values will soon start to metastasize until they subject us to an intense barrage of misinformation, deception, and hidden propaganda. I would like to go on, but I do have to keep this letter short. So I'll wrap it up by saying that we are nearing a synthesis of Zendicism and poststructuralism into an anti-democratic, sullen cynicism that will carry our once-proud nation deeper into savagery and depravity."
    Linda Buquet .:. Forum Founder, Google Local Specialist

    If you benefit from advice here... Please pay the community back by sharing on social OR helping someone else at the forum. Thank you!

    Don't Miss Important News & Tips! Subscribe to Daily Email Digest Here

    Note: Due to mulitple RSI injuries, pardon short replies. Typos? Blame it on "Dragon".

  7. #6
    Member Since
    Aug 2013
    Location
    Rochester NY
    Posts
    804
    Thanks (Received)
    0
    Likes (Received)
    0

    Re: Fantastic Complaint Letter Generator

    HAHAHAHAHA....I never get tired of reading these.
    Linda, who is astonishingly adroit at twisting words, has been able to convince scores of people that she is a perpetual victim of injustice

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 3
    Last Post: 04-29-2014, 11:26 AM
  2. Cool New Schema & KML Generator
    By Phil Rozek in forum Local SEO Tools & Software
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 12-26-2013, 12:46 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
Local Marketing Summit banner above footer new